‘My Buzz Don’t Cost A Thing’

Tuesday morning, December 29, 2009, I received, quite possibly, the worst haircut in the history of haircuts. It all started with the impulsive desire to change things up a bit. I was grooming myself up for the day and noticed that my hair was borderline too long, so I thought to myself, “I should get a buzz.” Looks great, easy to manage and overall a great fashion choice despite the cold weather. Figured I’d take the risk, so I google searched local salons within 5 blocks of my girlfriend’s apartment. Destiny had it that the closest one (that is still in business) was only a mere 2 blocks up broadway at 112th street. Didn’t bother to call for an appointment and went with the walk-in approach. After my short and brisk walk in the freezing cold, I arrived at Jude And Me Salon. Upon entering, I waited for a college student in front of me to finish setting up his appointment at the front desk. Then the receptionist greeted me with a fatigued, yet friendly smile on her face and asked what time I wanted to do, which I replied with a sharp ASAP. She proceeded to yell across the room to the only male “hairdresser” in the place. “Hey Antoine! When can you do a buzz for this gentleman right here?”. “In five minutes!”, he replied. I gave her the go that I would wait and grabbed a few magazines. After waiting a few moments on the couch, she walked over and informed me that it would be more more like 10 minutes, which I said was fine. Then Antoine, came to tell me that it was my turn so I took my seat in the chair. He insisted that I reconsider shaving my hair because of how great it looks, but I instructed him to go ahead and do it anyways. Throughout the haircut, the clippers kept falling off (at least 3 times) and finally on the fourth he reached to catch it, and simultaneously dropped the shaver on the top right of my head. At first he pretended not to notice, but he quickly realized that he would not be able to hide the damage he had done. He said, “Oh my God! Oh my God! This has never happened to me before.” I asked to see and sure enough there was a near perfect triangle shaved into my hair. UNBELIEVABLE! I didn’t know it was even possible to mess up buzz cut! This is ground zero for anyone who cuts hair for a living. If you can’t do that, FORGET ABOUT IT! He tried to blend but it was unfixable. I didn’t have to pay for it but damn. He said I could come back in two weeks to get it redone for free but I have the feeling those clippers aren’t going to be replaced anytime soon. So I have a 2 inch triangle shaved into my head and a show in one week. Awesome. Thank God for my new Yankee fitted. For all my readers, fans, and subscribers out there, NEVER GO TO JUDE AND ME SALON!